As you walk in this most prestigious Majestic Theatre you can’t help notice the significant chandelier, the most spectacular detail of hundreds of shiny swarovski crystals and glass that sparkles right at you.
The Phantom of the opera a disfigured musical genius passes his time terrorizing the members of the Opera house and haunts the members of the audience sending a chill around the theatre that you can feel running down your spine. Although hideously deformed, and a fearsome cold character the Phantom possesses a rich, smooth velvety voice that draws you in and you almost have to pinch yourself to remember how wicked he really is. He falls in love with a chorus girl Christine. His voice calls to her, nurturing her and the incredibly moving and powerful music they perform together is infectious.You find yourself singing along, drawing tears and feel the goose bumps surprise your skin throughout the entire performance. This extraordinary talent of Christine’s voice and beautiful appearance is mesmerising, she has the true voice of an angel.
The stunningly designed stage and gorgeous period costumes make you feel like your really an audience of the opera house, and as the Masquerade forms on the grand foyer the gold, white, black and silver palate of colours combined with the dazzling diamonds just like those of the chandelier sparkle as they catch the lights on the stage draws you in. Then in a jealous rage the Phantom sets the stage for a dramatic crescendo.He has fallen in love with Christine who only has eyes for Raoul in which his soaring passions, fierce jealousies, and obsessive love threaten to drive the fated lovers past “the point of no return”. The Phantom sends the beautiful shiny crystal set piece crashing down towards the audience. The fear rushes straight through you as the lights dim and flash, in slow motion you see it falling towards you and as you hold your breath waiting to hear it crash to the floor witnessing the crystals burst into the air and leave the scent of burning glass around you, you open your eyes, and its there, rocking above you. This breathtaking theatrical effect has enthralled audiences across generations.
You learn to love Christine because her voice and character make you feel at home the furious Phantom lures her to a creepy colorless place, she takes a voyage on a gondola guided by the Phantom and you can feel the icy atmosphere around you, the smell in the air changes and leaves that chill on your spine again as he takes her through a series of locks that then reveals this dingy, gloomy looking grotto shaped like a harbor where he threatens to make her his forever.The curtain closes and your hands are sore from the applause of sheer enjoyment and pleasure. The subtle auditorium music gets taken over by reviews of the people who have sat around you. A wonderful, romantic and thrilling night of theater that can only be experienced by watching it before your very eyes.
Hello everyone this is my second attempt at my descriptive piece. I have listened to advice from Danielle, Lucy and Laura Bentley and I am very pleased that you liked my work and that you found it very engaging. I also have listened to what Laura-Beth said about reducing my word count and have edited it, also I added some more pictures in to make it interesting to look at as well as read.
ReplyDeleteI would appreciate it if you could let me know what you all think, Thanks
Abbi
Hi Abbi,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this piece, and found the length much more appropriate. I was eager to read on throughout the piece - it was beautifully written.
My only one suggestion for improvement, but this is just my opinion, is that some of the sentences could be split in two, as some were a bit long. Maybe this is well suited to the style of the piece though – descriptive writing is often more lengthy. Perhaps see what others think about that?
I think it is a very strong and effective piece of descriptive writing.
LB
Hi abbi,
ReplyDeleteReally like this too, It was really descriptive, I felt after reading it I knew what to expect from an evening watching this production.
It also has a tone of marketing as reading this I would want to go and see the production, and the way you have ended it with the paragraph "watching it before your very eyes" gives me a sense of you selling the production.
This could be because i am intereasted by what you have described, and it appeals to me? Maybe someone who has no intreast in watching this might get a different feel?
Just something to think about.Tara.
hey abbi,
ReplyDeletereally enjoyed reading your descriptive piece. it transported me back to 2006 when i was watching it on stage.i particulary like how you talk about the lighting/colours you see at different point throughout.
i would like to hear more of your opinions on parts you wathced though. how when the phantom sends the chandelier down towards the audience specifically how you felt rather then how the audience felt.
really beautifully worded. look forward to reading the rest!
sarah c
Thank you for all your feedback, it feels like a great achievement and an unquestionable sense of relief when people say they enjoy your work and that it works. All your feedback really helps and I have applied all of the feedback from my previous draft to improve it so will do the same with all of yours.
ReplyDeleteIt goes to show that something can always be improved, even though the feedback is another person’s point of view, I am happy to agree, alter and see if it works.
Laura-Beth I am going to read it and see where I can make my sentences shorter thank you.
Hello Tara, I totally agree and have never thought about it that way until you have mentioned it, it does sound like I m selling it so I am going to edit it as I feel it is strong enough to end it at “threatens to make her his forever” I could end it on a cliff hanger then those who haven’t seen it might watch it to see what happens, it will also bring back memories of those who have seen it. What do you think?
Sarah thanks so much for the feedback, I will look back and change the words so that it is from my point of view, my feelings and emotions. Do you think that this will make it the best it can be?
Abbi Good discussion going on - I get a bit of a jump from the chandelier to the Phantom - it could be a spooky jump - like in a Stephen King novel - but it is abrupt - how is this written passage functioning? Paula
ReplyDeleteHello Paula, when I went to see it on Broadway i was in the dress circle so the effect it had on me wasn’t much at all. I was busy watching the people in the stalls to see the effect it had on them, and they gasped and some of them put their hands over their heads. I’m unsure what you mean by “how is the written passage functioning?” Thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteThis piece captured the essence of the musical well and allowed the reader to feel as if they were there watching the drama unfold before their own eyes. It felt as if every sense was being tapped into the “scent of the burning glass” and the “fear rushes straight through you”. The phrase “chill...running down your spine” was particularly successful. I thought that you used onomatopoeias to effectively convey the sounds of the musical; “crash” “burst” again adding to the descriptive element of the piece.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that I would question is your use of grammar, in particular “As you have learned to love” this detracts from the otherwise fluid writing of the essay. The use of a line from the musical ensured that the reader was fully immersed in what the piece was about and once again brought you back into the theatre with the Phantom.
The detailed description of the characters highlighted the stark contrast between them, as did the description of the bright colourful ballroom that we associate with Christine compared with the “creepy colourless place” which houses the Phantom which is of course integral to the musical.
Overall I found this piece a pleasure to read and felt that it fully immersed every one of my senses in the magic of The Phantom of the Opera!
Thanks Tasha, i will think of changing that sentance to "as you learn to love" instead. Thanks for pointing that out.
ReplyDeleteIm glad that you enjoyed reading it, i really enjoyed writing it as it did bring back many memories of watching it on Broadway :-)
Hi Abbie,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your peice. I found the opening paragrapgh pulled me in straight away as your description of the chandailer excited me and made me eager to read on! I enjoyed your use of the senses throughout the piece also. The only improvement I could thnk of is perhaps having some sort of closing paragrapgh or few sentances about the show as a whole or aout how you fet as you left the theatre. Other than that I found it an entertaining and enjoyable read.
If anyone could read my pieces as I have no comments yet! I would be greatful!
You know what, i never thought about having a paragraph about how i felt leaving the theatre. Thankyou, i will include something in the next few days. Thanks
ReplyDeleteHello Rebecca i have added a little something on the end of my piece what do you think?
ReplyDelete